While training and developing soft skills, tutors play a crucial role in imparting knowledge and fostering emotional well-being, especially during difficult times.
Unfortunately, death can touch the lives of children at any age. Managing grief in an online class requires special care, empathy, understanding and a delicate approach with sensitivity, as there may be times when children may express an overloaded feeling of grief or bereavement.
First of all, it is essential to be observant and recognise the children's behaviours that may be a sign of grief, as each child may express it in various ways. For example, there may be sudden and continuous absence from the classes, changes in behaviour such as suddenly becoming too quiet or not participating in the way they used to, showing a drop in performance and skill development (Λουμάκου & Μπρουσκέλη, 2010). A student may even mention that they have recently lost a family member, e.g. "My grandfather died.". It is, therefore, vital to recognise these signs appropriately.
This can be done by communicating privately with the student via text message, expressing our concern, and offering help, support and understanding. Reassure them that they have a safe space to express their feelings and that we are there to listen and support them through this difficult time.
Example: "Hey [student], I noticed you haven't been yourself lately during lessons as if something is happening to you. I just wanted to see if you were okay. So that you know, I'm here to support you in any possible way." It is generally recommended that an attitude of silence should be avoided. It is helpful to allow the child to talk about it and also to encourage an inclusive dialogue in which the child can receive support from the instructor and peers but also discuss issues related to death and bereavement in an age-appropriate way (Λουμάκου & Μπρουσκέλη, 2010).
Here are some indicative examples per age group and corresponding ways of coping:
Ages 6-8:
Contingent situation: A child seems sad and upset by the start of the lesson. After the tutor asks if they are okay (e.g., "Are you okay (student name)? You seem kind of upset"), he reluctantly mentions that his pet died two days ago due to an illness.
*at this age, children begin to conceptualize the meaning of death, its fact that it is something inevitable (Λουμάκου & Μπρουσκέλη, 2010).
Suggested tutor response:
Acknowledge and show understanding of their feelings.
"I understand that losing a furry friend can be very hard. It's okay to feel sad."
We encourage the expression of feelings, even if they are not very pleasant, by allowing them to share a picture of their pet or a memory with them if they wish.
We offer support by creating an environment of safety and support.
"We are here for you if you need to talk or take a break until you feel better and ready to resume activities."
We can show and recommend some age-appropriate videos or books about managing a pet's loss, offering outlets for further understanding and support.
Ages 9-11:
Contingent situation: A child, prompted by a news story on television, asks persistent questions about issues related to death or talks about it constantly.
*at this age, children are cognitively able to form a more complete picture of death and tend to believe that death occurs at older ages (Λουμάκου & Μπρουσκέλη, 2010).
Suggested tutor response:
Remain calm and relaxed: It is important not to show discomfort or panic as this may escalate the child's anxiety and increase the other children's tension.
We are supportive and reassuring. We acknowledge any concerns the child may have by reassuring and confirming that it is normal for them to have questions about such issues.
"It sounds like you have some questions about death, and it is normal to have concerns. Having these feelings is okay, and I'm here to help you understand."
Could you inform the child and answer their questions honestly in age-appropriate words? We reassure the child that using simple language is safe, avoiding complex or scary details.
"Death is a normal part of life and means that the body of a living organism stops functioning. Humans and animals go through a cycle and die for different reasons, such as old age or disease. But it's something people usually experience when they are much older."
We encourage open dialogue: We create a safe space for students to express their thoughts and feelings. We encourage other classmates to share their thoughts and actively listen without judging. We can ask questions such as:
"What made you think about death?"
"Is there anything in particular that you are curious about?"
"Does anyone else have similar questions? Would you like to discuss something about it?"
Please make sure the student is safe and being cared for. We highlight the available support systems, such as family, friends and adults he trusts.
"Remember that there are lots of people who love and care about you. If you ever feel scared or confused, you can always talk to someone you trust."
We gently and smoothly return the focus to the activities.
"It is natural to wonder about death, but it is also important to focus on the life we have now. So what do you say? Shall we get on with it?"
After the lesson, we check in with the students privately to see how they are feeling and offer ongoing support if needed. We want to let him know we're available for further discussion if he has additional questions or concerns.
If the pupil's preoccupation with bereavement persists or if we feel concerned about their well-being, we must contact Morphoses so that parents or carers can be informed.
Ages 12-14:
Contingent situation: a child shares during class that their grandfather died last week.
*Adolescents 12 and older clearly understand the meaning of death. They may usually be afraid to express their feelings, accept them and ask for help even though they seek it (Λουμάκου & Μπρουσκέλη, 2010).
Suggested tutor response:
Acknowledge the courage to share such personal information.
"Thank you so much for trusting us and sharing such a special and sensitive moment."
We respond with empathy, sensitivity and support, recognising their feelings.
"I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. It must be tough for you right now. It's understandable to feel sad, and it's okay if you want to talk about it."
We offer support and comfort.
"If you need someone to talk to or if there's anything I can do to help you, please know I'm here for you."
We can take some time and encourage conversation so that other classmates can express their condolences or share similar experiences if they feel comfortable.
We show flexibility and understanding if students need time or space to process their feelings.
"I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Please know that it's okay to take as much time as you need to process your feelings, and when you feel better, you can return to the activities."
Encourage self-care by reminding the student of its importance during this difficult time.
"It is important to take care of ourselves during these difficult times, such as spending time with loved ones and doing something we enjoy and that makes us feel good."
If we are comfortable with this, we can tell the child to stay a little longer after class if they need to talk more with us.
We can "check in" with the students periodically to see how they are doing so that they know we care and are there to support them.
A simple "How are you? How are you doing?" is enough.
We are alert for any changes in his behaviour and well-being along the way. If we notice significant changes, we may need to reach out and let his parents know to ensure they get the support he needs.
Ages 15-17:
Contingent situation: a student learns about the sudden death of a close friend in a car accident and finds it difficult to concentrate during an online lesson.
Suggested tutor response:
Please let me know the situation and the impact of this loss on the student. We offer empathy and assure her we are here to support her.
"I understand what you are going through is tough, and I want you to know I am genuinely sorry. I am here to help you in any way I can. Please don't hesitate to ask me for help if you need to talk to someone.
We create a safe environment and allow open discussion and participation of other classmates if they feel comfortable.
"I want to create a safe space for everyone to share their feelings. If you want to talk or if there is something you'd like to share, you can do so. We're all here to support each other."
We confirm that her reactions are normal and show flexibility in our demands by prioritizing her mental well-being and enhancing empathy beyond the context of activities.
"It is perfectly normal to feel shocked or even distracted now. Feeling good about yourself prioritizing"
We are respecting her Privacy. We can send a private message in chat without pressuring her to talk or participate by emphasizing that we are available if she needs anything.
"I understand if you're not ready to talk about it yet. Just know that whenever you need anything, I'm here to listen."
We emphasise the importance of having social support from her environment and caring for herself.
"Remember that you are not alone in this; there are people who care about you and want to emphasise you through this difficult time. It will be beneficial to talk to a friend or anyone you feel comfortable talking to so that you can share all the weight you are feeling. Try to do things you enjoy and help you express yourself."
In conclusion, managing a case of grief in online classes, regardless of the student’s age, requires empathy, flexibility and support. All suggested interventions also depend on each child's character and behaviour. If, for example, someone is shy, we try to preserve their Privacy by communicating with them privately through private messages. If they are more social and outgoing, it may help them to talk further with the rest of the class.
If you need help, you can send our concerns to the corresponding Discord channel. If you need more help, you can contact the Morphoses advisors.
The goal is always to cultivate a supportive environment that promotes emotional resilience and well-being at the same time.
References
Λουμάκου, Μ. & Μπρουσκέλη, Β. (2010). Παιδί και γεγονότα ζωής. Gutenberg.