If you're unfamiliar with the CASEL framework, we highly recommend reading this article first, as it will greatly enhance your understanding of soft skills.
Check it out here.
Introduction to Conflict Management
Conflict management refers to the ability to handle disagreements and disputes in a constructive and peaceful manner. Conflicts in various spheres of life, including family and workplace dynamics, peer relationships, social interactions, customer service encounters, and online engagements, necessitate adept conflict management skills for effective resolution by individuals of all ages. This fact underlines the significance and applicability of developing this skill that can be applied in a wide range of social situations.
Core Area of Competence:
The soft skill of conflict management is found in the following core areas of competence, and more specifically under a core behavior of each area:
Self-Management: Manage and express one’s emotions, thoughts, impulses and stress in constructive ways.
Responsible Decision Making: Consider ethical standards, social and community norms and safety concerns in making decisions.
Relationship-Management: Address interpersonal conflict.
Core Behaviors that require the Conflict Management skills:
The soft skill is manifested differently in each age group:
6-8 Years:
Self-Management:
Self-soothing: Learners find ways to calm down when feeling upset.
Example: A child who is upset because a friend took their toy learns to take deep breaths to calm down before expressing their feelings.
Responsible Decision Making:
Following rules: Children identify, understand the importance of and follow shared norms in the bus, classroom, and school.
Example: A child follows the classroom rule of taking turns during playtime, demonstrating respect for the rules and consideration for others.
Relationship-Management:
Conflict Identification: At this age, children start to recognize and label conflicts when they occur. They may express their feelings verbally or physically when faced with disagreement.
Example: Two children arguing over a game recognize that they are in conflict and express their feelings by talking about why they are upset.
9-11 Years:
Self-Management:
Expressing themselves: Express feelings and thoughts in helpful ways, like using "I feel" statements.
Example: A child calmly tells their friend, "I feel upset when you don't listen to my ideas during group projects," fostering open communication and conflict resolution.
Responsible Decision Making:
Internalizing fairness and justice: Children in this age group develop a greater understanding of fairness and justice. They may weigh the consequences of different actions and make decisions based on principles of fairness and empathy.
Example: A child decides not to join in teasing a classmate, recognizing that it is unfair and hurtful, and choosing to act with kindness instead.
Relationship-Management:
Empathy and Perspective-Taking: Children in this age group become more capable of understanding others' perspectives and empathizing with others’ feelings during conflicts.
Example: A child considers how their friend might feel after being left out of a game, leading them to include their friend and resolve the conflict peacefully.
12-14 Years:
Self-Management:
Demonstrating greater emotional awareness and self-control: They may use techniques like mindfulness or journaling to process their emotions and respond calmly to conflicts.
Example: A teenager practices deep breathing exercises to stay calm and focused during a heated argument with a sibling, demonstrating emotional self-regulation.
Responsible Decision Making:
Deliberate and thoughtful decision-making: Learners may consider multiple perspectives, evaluate the potential consequences of different actions, and choose responses that align with their values and principles.
Example: A teen decides to speak up against unfair treatment of a classmate, weighing the potential consequences and standing up for what they believe is right.
Relationship-Management:
Conflict Management in Group Settings: Teens learn to navigate conflicts within group dynamics, such as group projects or team sports, by coordinating with peers and resolving disagreements collaboratively.
Example: A group of students collaborates to resolve conflicts and distribute tasks fairly during a group project, demonstrating teamwork and effective conflict resolution skills.
15-17 Years:
Self-Management:
Conflict Resolution Independence: Older adolescents demonstrate advanced self-management skills during conflicts, showing resilience and adaptability in managing their emotions and behaviors, relying less on adult intervention and more on their own problem-solving abilities.
Example: A teenager takes a moment to calm down and reflect before responding to a friend's criticism, demonstrating maturity and emotional self-regulation.
Responsible Decision Making:
Moral reasoning: Teens in this age group engage in complex moral reasoning and decision-making during conflicts. They may consider ethical principles, social norms, and long-term consequences when making decisions about how to respond to conflicts.
Example: A teenager decides to intervene in a bullying situation, weighing the ethical implications and choosing to stand up for the victim despite potential social consequences.
Relationship-Management:
Conflict Transformation: Teens develop the ability to transform conflicts into opportunities for growth and learning, recognizing the potential for positive outcomes from resolving disagreements constructively.
Example: A young adult reflects on conflicts with siblings as opportunities to practice communication skills and strengthen family bonds, viewing conflicts as natural and manageable challenges.
Promoting the Soft Skill:
For Parents and Care Givers:
Discover the ideal curriculum for your children on our platform, tailored to meet your unique learning needs and preferences.
Third-party mediation: When children argue, parents/ care-givers can get in the middle and show them how to be polite by using phrases like "I'm sorry" and other polite words. They also teach them to use words that make conflicts less serious.
Role modeling: Be mindful of how you manage conflict when you disagree with your child. Try to manage your emotions, listen to what your child is saying, and find common ground.
The emotion thermometer: Introduce the emotional thermometer and have it somewhere in the house. When there's a conflict, children can check the thermometer to see how they're feeling. Depending on their number, they can decide if they need to calm down before doing anything else.
Emotional verbal communication: Teaching learners to use words that show emotions (like sad, angry, discouraged, outraged, nostalgic) can help. This help control a tantrum, by talking about what they want, how they feel, and what they think.
For Tutors:
Activity of disagreement: Organize activities putting across each other learners that disagree on a topic like “pineapple on pizza”. They should take turns talking and make sure to listen carefully to each other's ideas and feelings.
Problem-solving activities: This exercise helps learners think of and assess action plans. Learners share a problem, and we go through the steps: identifying the problem, brainstorming options, choosing the best one, and evaluating if it worked. The goal is to help learners understand how to reach their goals effectively.
Role-play: Ask learners to propose various conflict situations and then suggest ways to solve them. You can then ask learners to reflect on what happened, and try to present the conflict from all different perspectives.
Feedback and Reflection:
In feedback sessions, try to both acknowledge and praise effective conflict management strategies and offer constructive criticism on areas where the learner can improve. Keep in mind to listen to the learners’ perspective on their conflict management abilities and experiences.
Following a role-play scenario, group discussion, or conflict resolution task, help learners reflect on their experiences and give them feedback on their approach to managing the conflict.
After a challenging interaction or conflict situation, start a debrief session to discuss what went well, what could be improved, and how they can apply lessons learned in future situations.
Incorporate regular check-ins or reflection periods into daily or weekly routines. This will allow learners to assess their progress in conflict management skills, identify areas for growth, and receive feedback from peers, caregivers, or tutors.
In a conflict situation, encourage learners to identify the perspective of their opponent, talk to each other using “I” statements to express their thoughts and feelings, and actively listen to each other trying to find common ground.
Additional Resources:
Visit the Conflict Resolution Network to check on books, podcasts, and resources on conflict resolution.
Visit School Tools for Peer Mediation videos.
Check out a Ted Talk from a hostage negotiator on how to resolve conflict with the Savage Theory of Resolution®.
Learn about the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict management styles in this video.
Read “Reprogramming Your Approach To Conflict Resolution In 2023” on Forbes.
Conclusion:
Understanding and developing conflict management skills is essential for fostering positive relationships and achieving success in various settings. Parents and tutors play a vital role in facilitating skill development by providing guidance and modeling effective strategies. Encouraging proactive engagement in different learning environments allows individuals to cultivate these skills, enhancing their ability to resolve disputes constructively and promote mutual understanding.
References:
Cekaite, A., Lefebvre, A., Nyikos, J., Deme, E., Domeij, K., & Macsay, K. (n.d.). Communication, Collaboration and Conflict Management in Social Interaction. Learning to communicate and collaborate through Bodily expression and Art. Retrieved from https://www.diva-portal.org/smash/get/diva2:1548844/FULLTEXT01.pdf
Frye, K. E., Boss, D. L., Anthony, C. J., Du, H., & Xing, W. (2022). Content analysis of the Casel framework using K–12 state SEL Standards. School Psychology Review, 1–15. doi:10.1080/2372966x.2022.2030193
Garey, J. (2023). Teaching kids how to deal with conflict. Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/teaching-kids-how-to-deal-with-conflict/#model-what-you-want-to-se
Iakab, A., & Iovu, M.-B. (2020). Conflict mediation between elementary school children. In Journal Plus Education (1st ed., Vol. 26, pp. 154–164). essay, Romanian Editorial Platform.